Do not mess up again… (or Thank you, S*).
Sunday morning. Skype is ringing. Kind of plain conversation… Silence… Laugh…
– I do not dance.
– You never dance before and I think nothing is changed since then. You were sitting on the bench instead of celebrate ending of our educational camp, stressful period of your youth (smiling). It was the first one, remember? We were so enthusiastic… young… naive? (Smiling) I was trying to touch your hand… you were too close but too far at the same time. I was so foolish because I did not realize that you need me. Now, after seven years… I can call you without any hesitation and we can laugh and share our thoughts with one another. But… Do you remember… I came to another city to find you… and I found you. You did not pick up the phone as usual (smiling). I
had no idea, how did I do that… maybe your energy was leading me to find you. At that night, you were sitting at the balcony and talked with someone, and I was looking at you… You were utterly charming… I saw sadness in your eyes, but you always smiled. I realized that it was a perfect greasepaint because you were too rigorous, too straight forward in your field. I know I was not the part of your company and I never saw you drugged or drunk but I knew you well to wait for your call. It sounds so silly right now… but anyway, I am happy that I was and I am a part of your life. You are still too far physically, but you are too close emotionally to feel your b
reathe and know when you are smiling. We do not talk much but I know that you are happy for me from the bottom of your heart, the same as I am. Sometimes, you have pride not to answer and ignore people… I hate it… but I used to live with it. I know how do you feel… I know how deep your soul and mind are. We did not spend too much time, let me correct myself, not enough time but I know your soul from the top to bottom. My partner knows almost everything about me and my life but I do not think that someone will be that deep like you. We were too close emotionally and mentally…
…Please, give your life a chance. Too many years passed, you never know what is going to happen tomorrow and where your life is going to bring your body and soul. Give a chance to this person to be next to you and stop being annoying… and proud… and try to understand that maybe this person had the same experience like you… empty heart that cannot trust anyone. Just give a try.
God bring people to your life in purpose. He wants you to understand the truth of your life, meaning of your existence thru these people. I want you to accept them and let them be in your life. I will stay in your life. If I did not disappear in this past seven years, I am not going away. I know you always were scared to lose friends, relatives, but it is a part of your life process. It is normal. If they are destined to stay in your presence, they will stay. Like me. Everything will be fine. “Change is inevitable, growth is optional”. I want to give you a hug and whisper that people do not leave the people they care about. We taught each other to stay strong, open hearted and honest, so I want you not to lose it. And one more thing, if God gave you a chance to meet another S*, you have to perceive it as a sign not to mess up again. Do not mess up again.
– Thank you, S*corpio.