Desperate (but not Housewife). About Domestic Violence.

Third time during this month, I heard that my friends were abused; moreover, abused physically. I heard a lot about it at college, attended lectures and discussed this topic in student clubs; I heard a lot how to protect yourself and help victims. But when it happen with the person that you know and the person who is an abuser, You have no idea what to do and how to act. I just want to remind that October is an Domestic Violence Awareness Month (http://www.ncadv.org/takeaction/DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth.php). I found out that every 4 woman in United States was abused physically or emotionally.

A lot of questions come to my mind, “How can you hit a mother of your children?”, “How can you hit your woman in front of your kids?”, “How can you psychologically abuse the person that you marry?”, “How can you call yourself a Man when you hit her in the locked apartment/room/space?”, “How can you talk about good behavior if you can act like this?” And the stupid thing that I cannot find THE ANSWER.

One of my friend (let’s call her Maria) was abused by her husband in the beginning of this month. The problem was a cold soup. Can you imagine that? The problem is that he was taking a shower and when he came to the table, it was cold. The result is two broken ribs. Did she reported it? No. The answer is “Nobody will take care of me like *” and “He still loves me. It was my fault.”

My second friend (let’s call her Diana) was abused by her husband two weeks ago. The reason was their pets and problems on his job. One of their cats became aggressive, and the result is a black eye. Did she report it? No. The reason is “I love my husband… I know he loves his two kids. I have no financially support outside of him. I cannot afford to raise my kids alone and give them everything what I want.”

My third friend (let’s call her Hope) was abused by her husband two days ago. She was psychologically and physically abused by him more than a year. She also have two beautiful kids and the reason why she did not report all this time was these two amazing children. Did she report it? Yes. Why? She did not know yet. I am so proud of her because she made it. She found energy and brave to report to this person that she loves more than her life. She feels depressed right now and blames herself because it was her fault.

I heard stories when women decided to stay quite because of emotional, financial, physical support but it is so disgusting for me to hear and believe in it. In psychology it is called “Learned helplessness” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_helplessness). I have read a lot of articles how to help, how to act and how to stay calm but it is wasting of time for the victim. As a psychology bachelor graduate, I found this very interesting research (http://lab.drdondutton.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/DUTTON-PAINTER.-EMOTIONAL-ATTACHMENTS-IN-ABUSIVE-RELATIONSHIPS-A-TEST-OF-TRAUMATIC-BONDING-THEORY..pdf).

Today is one of these days of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Let’s protect our mothers, girlfriends, best friends, and other women from abusers. Please report to http://www.nyc.gov/html/ocdv/html/home/home.shtml

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