Two Me Talking to Each Other:
Two Me talking to each other:
– Hey Girl. Too many thoughts in your mind, wanna talk?
– Yep… Where is a volume button? Higher… higher 🙂 Yes… I like this way. She just flow to our mind and relax everything inside…
– Yes… (Closing my eyes).
– Are you in love?
– Me? No… noooo… nooooooo… (I am telling it, like Amy Winehouse sing, “They tried to make me go to rehab but I said, ‘No, no, no.”)
– Why not? Look at him… He! is smart, well-educated, good looking young man in his 30s… he! wants you to enjoy his life with him… why not, girl? He wants you… for now… for the rest of his life. He pointed it already.
– Enjoying life is not sport, restaurants, bars and talking about his job and how tired he! is. And yes… for the rest of HIS life… not ours.
– But… look what He* can give it to you? He* has nothing what you need… He* has his own life… His* interests, His* business… Look at him* on Facebook… He* looks happy. He* looks satisfied.
– You do not know what are you talking about. He* knows how I am smiling… and he knows my eyes… He! cannot see something special inside of them. It is enough for me. I can breathe next to Him* and I can fully feel our imperfection. He* makes me smile. You know me… nothing makes me cry but at the same time not every man can make me smile.
– Oh… I know you better than these men. You are too complicated. But why you didn’t accept his! apologies? Why not? He! wants to make you a better person and change your views. He! is in love. Or maybe he! is pretending. I am f&*=ing confused right now.
– But what if I do not want to change myself? Do you remember how many times I wanted to change my personality? Do you remember how many times I tried to deal with my faith? It is wasting of time… Next to him* I feel happy. I feel secure because I can feel his embrace. I can be myself, I can smile… I may mispronounce these words… I can laugh… I can say beeeeee 😛 and he* will smile. He* cannot hurt… I am singing with him… I can say too many things and he* will follow me. It is impossible love.
– Oh Booooy… it is crazy. If you can sing with him*, it is crazy. But he! accept your personality and make you feel secure as well.
– But it is too different ways of security. With some people, we are flying and want to make something incredible in life, and with others, we want to make the same things but not because we are flying, because they force us to fly. And it is too different things. With some people we laugh from the throat, with others we laugh from the stomach. With some people, we can be ourselves, with others you have to be polite… to pretend that you are better than who you are. Maybe sometimes, I want to say bad words… maybe I just want to enjoy BITCH word by pronouncing it… or FUCK… or talking with this Bronx accent. Who cares? But he! cares because he wants to make ME better… but he* wants to make MY Life better.
– Oh Boooooy… You are between two lights right now.
– Oh Girl… You cannot imagine… how I feel. It is too long hanging out without sense… but at the same time, I do not want to live 60 years without any kind of feelings; for instance, most of the women live because of children, finance and pretending to be a good family but I prefer to live a half of this and be happy and make my every day special. I am scared to choose. I am scared to be in love and at the same time, I am scared to make a wrong choice.
– True…True… But you know that there is no wrong choices. It is your life and everything will be alright no matter what and how you plan it. Don’t be fool baby, focus on your own. Remember Paulo Koehlo, ” If you love something set it free. If it comes back to you, it is yours. It it doesn’t, it never was.” It is a test of faith and forgiveness.
– But… it is too tough to let it go.
– You will learn more by understanding yourself and your needs first… Do not hold, do not keep, do not jealous… You are wiser than others… I know. Let’s start it again… as usual. It is not the first time when men are breaking our own (and the one) heart. Tell me what did we learn?
– We learned to be and stay a woman no matter what. Giving love, make us weak but we can fly.
– Yes… You have Me. And I have You. Couple of tears are enough. Chin up.