Do you remember this April morning when we both climbed into the mountain? Do you remember what did I tell you that morning? But before that… do you remember how you kissed me? Probably yes. But I remember it more clearly. Do you remember the words that you told me while holding my hand? Do you remember that the mountain is a new trial… problem… and you have to climb… fight for the peak, and never give up. Do you remember how we did it? Do you remember how I ripped my jeans to make a wish by tying this little piece of jeans into the tree? Do you remember the panorama that was opening for us after we reached a peak? Do you remember the moment when I was ready to falling down and you were there for me… you WERE there for ME. I know it is tough to climb alone… and it takes more time. It takes more time to think and require the vim to move on… and keep my empty stomach strong (I mean to keep it strong without butterflies in it :). Coming back to my April mountain, I wished to have another peak to reach it with you.
People usually disrespect themselves after broken up. Yeah, I did it as well but it was a reason for that. You left me alone in the middle of the mountain. You chose another mountain… another peak… another goal that was a complete opposite from mine. And now… one year passed… but nothing changed. I am on the same page because I do not want to move on… do not want to turn this page… do not want to look straight… do not want to give a chance to a possible daters. I always told you, “If you see your goal, go and get it. If you can’t run, walk… If you can’t walk, scramble… If you can’t do that, just do whatever you can to reach it but never give up.” For 365+ days I did not follow my own rule; I just felt and any kind of relationship antagonized and abased me. I thought I betrayed our relationship and memory about us but the one thing that I was doing, I betrayed my dreams and myself.
Today, I took my first driving class; my teacher repeated hundred of times, “Look straight.” He also said, “You move too slow; try to look far and straight. You have a MAIN ROAD.” Yeah, sound weird but it is true. Simple words mean simple calculation of 365 days of wasting time when I was trying to understand when I was wrong… 365 days without you in the middle of MY mountain, My Life. This 365 days should be MY days. I realized that I lost these days. I lost ONE YEAR! It is sad. In my situation, it is so guilty. Can I tell that it was my weakness? Inexcusable and unforgivable for me.
I decided to move on. Hope my driving classes help me to pay attention on My Main Road and keep away from the one way roads. Sometimes it is better to climb alone, no pain, no excuses, no idle words and promises; but at the same time, it takes more time to be accustomed to this kind of life, pain-free-life.
PS. For me it takes a year to understand that, the simple truth of life (I am not sure that I was healed on 100% still). But… I wish everybody to understand it more quickly and with no pain at all. (It sounds ironic but it doesn’t matter how long people were together, it is painful every time when they separated). But all you have to know, Chin Up and Look Straight.