Sometimes we lose them… Sometimes they lose us.
After couple of years living in another country, I realized that our friends lose us or we lose them. Despite the fact that we are talking every single day via social networks, chats and Skype, we lose them; we lose the power of understanding and this feeling that we are a part of their lives and vice versa. Sometimes it makes me mad because I expected their attention and want to know everything about them as well… and sometimes it makes me sad because… it’s sad… IT IS SAD to lose people that you respect, love and care about.
It is sad because you cannot share your smile with them after passing a test… you cannot explain the educational system of another country… you do not have an ability to say everything and show everything to them that contradicts your or their viewpoints… you cannot give them a taste of a new culture… Every single time you tried to explain but they cannot understand you…it looks like you speak on different languages. They accept you as an American already but Americans accept you as a foreigner. You are and will be between the two lights of your past and present until you decide to which side you belong.
The last three years of my “american-uzbek” life I longed for home, friends, surroundings and work but after this time passed I realized that nothing holds me but memories. Memories about parties we had, memories about people I met, memories about work I did… I thought, “It happens now and I lose three years of missing something that I never can replace it…so maybe it IS a TIME to start to accustomed to it and start to live?!” After my thoughts, I step back to think and I realized that I lost my time…I stupidly wasted it…and now I am ready for my marathon to reach the goals that I had three years before. I understood that real friends go along with you… and you cannot lose the real people, it is just time and life eliminates others.
Sometimes they lose us because they choose another way to go… and sometimes we lose them because it is time to say good bye. Living your own life without a “real touchable” support in another country, is a fight with your emotions and feelings… but it is our own choice: to fight or give up.
PS. Smile for me 🙂